Existential Phenomenological Psychotherapy

Existentialism is a philosophical theory that is used as an approach in psychotherapy. Every person is a unique individual with a responsibility to will themselves free and be an agent of choice in pursuit of their fullest potential. In that one must discover who they are, what they want to do, how they want to show up in the world, what is meaningful to them, and proceed honoring their authentic self. Some people contemplate what their ultimate purpose in life is? What this life means? Some question if it means anything at all. Our finite nature perplexes people and causes grave anxiety. Existential psychotherapy opens space to unpack all the feelings that come from the thoughts of people we love and ourselves seizing to exist. It encourages you to embrace uncertainty as a foundation of life. To cherish anxiety as nature’s way of telling you that something at hand needs your attention and you might need to make a choice. We mustn’t silence our curiosities and passions. We must have the courage to confront the vibrancy of life.

Phenomenology is the conscious experience of something. In the context of psychotherapy, it is the conscious experience of the client’s description of their conscious experience of everyday life. As they describe their present world to us, they unconsciously reveal connections to their previous experiences. The reason they may show up in the way they are in this instance with their partner, may be indictive of how they were treated or witnessed others being treated as a child. There is no present moment devoid of our prior experiences. The way we interpreted what happened to us stays with us. Unpacking our experiences with a psychotherapist helps us process the fullness of what occurred and helps us hold it differently.

The relationship between the client and therapist is a key component in this work. What happens between the client and therapist is indicative of what happens out in the world between client and other people. By calling attention to what is experienced in the here and now, clients learn to become more present, aware of self, and relational wounds are worked through leading to reintegration.

© Victoria Venturella, MA, Wait a Meta, Existential Dialogues

Jean-Luc Godard and Anna Karina



How to live with uncertainty

  1. Acknowledge you do not know everything. Embrace being a lifelong learner.

  2. Accept that the way you imagine it will be, will be different.

  3. Find beauty in mystery, surprise, experience of wordlessness, and the distance of time.

  4. Knowing the outcome before its occurrence is humanly impossible.

  5. Know you will not always have a way to describe what you are trying to articulate.

  6. You will never know the wisdom of your future self before you’re there.

  7. Accept uncertainty as a foundation of life.

    © Victoria Venturella, MA, Wait a Meta, Existential Dialogues



The Power of The Future Not Yet

There is a path from here to there paved in reels of undeveloped film.

You are the only one who will ever see it the way you experienced it.

You get to keep all the pictures.

You can choose which way to go

but you’ll never be for certain the future of not yet.


Life lives in mystery, love, and what’s not yet known.


The power of the future not yet.

© Victoria Venturella, MA, The Existentialist, Existential Dialogues

Do you sometimes feel that this global pandemic will never end?

We seem to have hit another place collectively. Many of us in disbelief that this is still happening. We have become concerned as to how long this will continue. All the social distancing, travel, and large crowd restrictions, and having to wear masks in all indoor places. Parents concerned to send their children to school. Kids worried about going to school whether its due to social anxiety or their own fear of covid and not having the vaccine just yet. Polarized views on the safety of the vaccine are causing major divides within friends and familial systems.

We still must make space for hope. Hope that one day it will not be this way. That we will have overcome this. After all, we will never have this moment back.

Savor this present experience as it is.

What a beautiful moment here in the chaos of this which we call life.

Take it all in. For all its uncertainty. All that is present in the here and now.

In this historical time to be alive.

Look at where we are.

Sit with what you are grateful for.

Cherish your travels. Every path you take in life.

Whatever direction this pandemic has taken you we all grieve the absence of what we collectively experienced. Before covid existed.

We must remember that all things that we experience in life contribute to how we interpret the world. This pandemic has given us all something to create from. Even in such grave tragedy beauty blooms brightly in the darkest corners. What feels like the end of the world becomes a gift to learn from.

During the pandemic life has continued to prevail, people have gotten married, divorced, met their partners, moved to a new place, started a new job, had a baby, started a business, started therapy, wrote books, created art, reimagined what life could look like in the future suspending how we always knew it to be.

Have compassion for how you are experiencing this situation.

Have compassion for the you that has been experiencing this situation the entire time.

© Victoria Venturella, MA, The Existentialist, Existential Dialogues

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Moon Clock

Moon Clock

In full vulnerability

Illuminating bright

Luminescence.

You see yourself glimmer

In the gaze of the Other.

Temporal rotation.

Within a shadow

We meet ourselves.

Where are we?

With myself how do I see myself?

In thought? On the page? In a recording?

In my reflections of my recent experiences.

I see myself in you. I see you in myself.

Part of each other’s present evolution.

You no longer are where you were.

One section of chapters becoming the palate to paint the next section.

Opening my evolution from the page I am on today.

Moon Clock

Time to illuminate the world to reveal who we are to ourselves.

Without the world who would we be?

How could we see who we are without all that exists beyond us?

We would be nothing without the world.


© Victoria Venturella, MA, The Existentialist, Existential Dialogues

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Time Vanishes Promptly Easily Finding Yourself in a Creative Headspace

Having ADHD allows for us to experience the world from infinite angles.

We must learn how to navigate in this terrain, while cherishing who you are.

You see the world from a unique individual perspective, as we all do.

How can we best create your everyday landscape to experience all your gifts to their fullest potentiality?

When we recognize the situation or thing differently, that never inherently means that what you see is wrong. How you experience the situation allows for you to see things in a unique way. An idea comes to you. Quickly you search for a pen. While the words briskly begin to leave you. You’ve moved on to something else. Which later prompts you to search for something in a different room.

Time vanishes promptly easily finding yourself in a creative headspace. Splashing loudly in a completely new project equally intriguing.

We just need to learn how to navigate such a landscape that grabs so much of our undivided attention.

Achieving a consistent state of timelessness is something to cherish. How can you fit it in without letting the other areas of your life suffer?

How can we better manage our time to manifest our big ideas?

Pausing with life as it draws your attention is something to be valued.

How can you incorporate the way you see the world while adhering to societal norms and systems that were built for the collective majority?

There is nothing wrong with needing more time for things.

Everyone in the world could read the same book and we would all have different perspective on it.

You are with yourself for your entire life.

Pay attention to what works best for you. Honor what you need to live into your fullest potential. Never hinder the others capacity to become their best selves too. For me to be free you must be free.

What are all your living projects?

The ones that continue onward, and never seem to be finished?


© Victoria Venturella, MA, The Existentialist, Existential Dialogues

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Making Errors is Part of What Makes Us a Perfect Human

Who defines perfect?

Who defines your imperfections?

Society leaves space for human error because it’s a given that human beings will potentially miss something in any given circumstance.

You can try to excel at something, lower the potentiality for making a mistake in this or that. You can attempt to perfect what you or society consider imperfections. But the mere fact that these imperfections exist are absolutely what makes you a perfect human.

Would you be human without error?

Being a perfect human accounts for the potentiality of not knowing, not seeing, not hearing, not understanding, memory misalignment. While at the same time we have lots of resources out there to help us learn, get on track, inform ourselves, to make better choices. Even if you were an expert in the field at something, there is always the potential for not having noticed something, doesn’t mean you won’t notice it later, and if someone pointed it out to you right now you would integrate it into what you know seamlessly.

There isn’t a human being that exists that doesn’t warrant grace for human error. Therefore, making errors is part of what makes us a perfect human.

Let’s consider what society deems as perfect, or what you consider as perfect. Someone who is perfect knows how to show up at all social situations, can pick up on every social cue and respond effectively, can feel into their emotions, can master every single thing they try on the first attempt, can beat everyone at everything, you name it they will win it, can raise perfect children just like themselves, can be everywhere at the exact same moment, can satisfy all the needs of everyone they know at the same time, practices self-care, takes on new hobbies, pursues all their passions and excels at every single one of them, gets exceptional sleep nightly, wakes up with a pep in their step onto the kitchen to make an amazing breakfast that fulfills all the nutrients needed to jump start the day, can pick up on all social cues as if they are a mind reader and know exactly how to respond to the other to where they can be just as supportive as they are needing to be, never gets sick, the body and mind coincide until late age and body depletion never hinders what they want to pursue in late life, they know every answer to everything, they can win every talk show, they remember everything they have been through in life and having exceptional recall, they photograph books into their brain and file them away for easy access later, nothing they ever cook tastes off and never burns, they never trip walking up the stairs, they always know where they are going, they never accidently add something together wrong, they learned every foreign language, and can speak it fluently to native cultures, they give excellent massages and have the capacity to be emotionally supportive to everyone in the world in the same way a therapist can to a select number of clients without conflict of interest, their attachment style is completely secure regardless of how they were treated as a child, the trauma they experience in the world is processed on their own in their own head, everything can be articulated and nothing is too complicated, they write all the New York Times best sellers, writes prolific poetry, graduates Cum Laude after choosing from any of all schools they were accepted into, never gets into a car accident, upholds a physique that never wavers no matter what they eat or whether they work out or not, never not thinks of a possible option to why something may be the way that it is, they can instantly consider all the potential possibilities with all possible outcomes and make a choice on the spot without having to sleep on it, they remember everyone’s birthday, they know every holiday in every culture by heart, calls all their friends and family in a sufficient amount of time to maintain close relationships, never kills a plant they pot, never leaves the oven on, never gets sun burned, they can also hear everything around them perfectly as if each thing is isolated on its own within every situation, there is not room for any error.

© Victoria Venturella, MA, The Existentialist, Existential Dialogues

#perfection

#imperfection

#beingperfect

#makingmistakes

#humanerror

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Gone long enough for home to feel foreign and familiar at the same time

Long enough to lose my rhythm,

Experience a completely new one.

When the space you created

Was with you anywhere you existed.

Being with what the experience is giving us.

Adaptation with known impermanence

Savor every unique sliver of those moments.

Your home is where you create it, but it starts

In your inner self.

Even your home can become foreign the longer you exist away from it,

Familiarity caught within all the things that have shifted for me.

Every corner reveals potentiality.

New visions are coming to me, ideas that must be written.


Home.


This is a place you create.


An empty canvas to slouch paint all over.


You build your shelter and continuously invent it.


You are the creator of your life.


Like a glimmer on a crystal rock,

Light brings out the sparkles from

Infinite angles.

© Victoria Venturella, MA, The Existentialist, Existential Dialogues

#createyourownlife

#manifest

#curiosity

#youareunique

#buildyourshelter

#youareyourhome

#homeiswhereyouare

#mindset

#presentmoment

#bepresent

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#beingseen

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#showingup

#vulnerablity

#courage

#existentialangst

#angst

#hereandnow

#whatsatstake

#beseen

#lovedeeply

#existential

#existentialdread

#trusttheuniverse

#existentialphenomeology

#victoriaventurella

#relationshipwithself #communication #transcendence

#futureself #infinitepossibilities

#existentialpsychotherapy

Where are you?

Heart pieces shattered floating inside.


Sinking weight of sadness.


Not sure where you went.


Roses drooping swaying in the wind,


Old seeds sprouting,


The movement from there to here,


Inside the petals,


Caught in a pre-emptive bloom.


Holding my knees,


Drenched in the musk of you,


Notes of dialogues flutter in,


All those authentic gestures,


Willingness to see,


Awareness of being seen,


We bloom again.


Meeting the edge of each other,


Perpetually asymmetrical.


Saying the things people never give space to,


Encouraging hard conversations.


Wading in the full truth we swim.

© Victoria Venturella, MA, The Existentialist, Existential Dialogues

Relationships do not magically begin where you want them to be

Relationships do not magically begin where you want them to be. You must work toward having a shared existence you both want to live in. However you expected it to be won’t be how it actually is. Your partner is an entirely different human being with their own mind, and they have their own ideas as to how they imagined this going.


We all like to think that we could find “the one” that fits perfect with us, but in all reality the ones that fit perfect with us in the beginning ends up eventually having ruptures and dissonance that will need to be worked through together. Two human beings that come together will never be absolutely on point at all times. The only thing you can do is acknowledge when you are not and make space together to figure out where to go from there.


If what you imagine wanting in a relationship is not happening in the first few months with someone, consider what it is you are really wanting. Is it marriage? Is it kids? Is it everyday cuddles? Is it the everydayness of life you want to share with someone? Is it that you want to build a life with your best friend and support each other’s growth and dreams? Now consider how do you get to that point with someone? Do you skip the dates for dinner and a movie? Do you skip the endless conversations to figure out who each other are? Do you start from knowing deeply, loving deeply, and living fully enmeshed? Relationships take work to get to a place where longevity is prominent. It takes time to be the others other in this full-bodied all-encompassing way.


Then there are those people who meet and after only a few encounters they know they must be with that person. Are we all living for a situation like this to occur? These stories are rare and prevalent enough for them to exist as a rational possibility for us all to imagine it would occur for us too. If we never experience it, are we missing out? Is finding someone and facing the raw hard reality with the other meaningless? Even those people who feel they must be together after just a few encounters come up against the reality of their differences in who they are as people. There will be times where you do not understand each other, where you miss the other completely, where you disappoint the other without even understanding why, where you want to do something, but they want to do something else, where they think it is totally fine and you absolutely disagree. How you work together through these fissures is what moves the relationship along or contributes to its potential disintegration. You must learn to grow together, or you will grow apart preventing each other from fully blooming.


© Victoria Venturella, Existential Dialogues, The Existentialist


#relationships #infinitehuman #sharedexistence #beingseen #beingheard #activelistening #everdayliving #relationshipsarehard #relationshipsarework #communication #bepresent #besupportive #marriage #justmarried #theone #centralpurposetherapy #existential #existentialphenomeology #victoriaventurella #relationshipwithself #communication #transcendence #futureself #infinitepossibilities #existentialpsychotherapy

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How many unsent letters do you file in your mind?

How many times does it take you to form the first sentence?

Back spacing in deep thought.

Where do you put all those love letters?

last words never said?

What about all those questions?

potential proposals?

all that honesty?

sudden arrivals of insight?

Why haven’t you told them yet?

Are you afraid of true love?

Why do you think you have forever?

Why would you wait to tell them what you continually wish to share with them?

Being vulnerable is transformative and healing.

What about those moments that you no longer feel like you are where you were?

Where do you file all the letters you write yourself? Those meaningful monologues of the deepest internal texture?

You don’t have to journal everyday to journal.

#journaling

#unsentletters

#writeletters

#havehardconversations

#fallinlove

#livedeeply

#lovedeeply

#liveloudly

#loveloudly

#beauthentic

#existentialquestions

#askmorequestions

#existentialangst

#angst

#hereandnow

#whatsatstake

#beseen

#lovedeeply

#existential

#existentialdread

#trusttheuniverse

#existentialphenomeology

#victoriaventurella

#relationshipwithself #communication #transcendence

#futureself #infinitepossibilities

#existentialpsychotherapy

Victoria Venturella, MA, Existential Phenomenological Psychotherapist

© Victoria Venturella, Existential Dialogues, The Existentialist

Even dogs leave us too soon

It doesn’t feel good to feel your heart hurting.

You give yourself to the universe knowing your heart will be broken over and over again. To experience the full breadth of love.

Even dogs leave us too soon.

A life without letting yourself feel fully doesn’t feel any better.

If you proceed into whatever will be without holding back, you may experience something that it is significantly different than the rest.

Where the potency of its knowing, seeing, hearing, being with, enlivens you.

The power of the future not yet.

What if the best experiences of your life are still not yet lived?

It might hit you one day. Out of nowhere.

You are in the living room tying your shoes.

You hear them coming closer, their bare feet across the cherry wood hall.

Dancing in silence, as if your favorite song was on, their scent lingers.

Enamored, in awe, you acknowledge this is the human you built this all with.

People arrive and you have no idea when they will be here.

What are you waiting for?

Go on, lean in.

Why are you saving to feel this later?

You may outlive your dog but what if you never felt that much love?

It is better to have felt the full breadth of love then to protect yourself from feeling heart break?

There will always be tragedy in life. Live your life vibrantly.

Knowing what it feels like to love something this much, mirrors the beauty in living.

How could you experience the fullness of what love has to offer if you only bring a part of you in?

What does going all in look like for you?

What are you afraid of happening if you let yourself love them fully?

How long do we teeter on the edge of something that offers us much more?

If you believe the mystery ahead is special, it will be.

#mindset

#whatyoutellyourselfmatters

#letyourselflovefully

#livividly

© Victoria Venturella, Existential Dialogues, The Existentialist

#liveloudly

#youmustfullyparticipate

#love

#dreambigger

#beseen

#beheard

#feellove

#lovedeeply

#loveyourself

#yourarepowerful

#youarehere

#youexist

#existential

#existentialangst

#existentialdread

#trusttheuniverse

#youchoose

#createyourlife

#compassion

#existentialphenomeology

#victoriaventurella

#relationshipwithself #communication #transcendence

#futureself #infinitepossibilities

#existentialpsychotherapy

Victoria Venturella, MA, Existential Phenomenological Psychotherapist, LMHCA

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How far do you expand thought?

When you think a thought does it stop right there?

 

Do you stretch it to every corner of the world?

 

Do you take it inward and sit with it real deep?

 

Do you blurt it out letting it fall into the room?

 

How far does your curiosity guide you?

 

Are you willing to unravel where this thought came from?

 

How many experiences merge for you to conjure such an interpretation?

 

What do you do when something you are thinking doesn’t make sense?

 

What thoughts do you choose not to entertain?

 

When do you let a thought go on purpose?

 

Where does it go when it feels like it evaporates?

 

What do you consciously do with thoughts that continually resurface?

 

Do you sound out your feelings on paper?

 

What do you do with all the images you imagine? Do you ever imagine painting them?

 

Sketching them out blanketly in the sky above the sea, lost in thought staring lightly blue.

 

What do you do with the thoughts you zone out deeply thinking about?

 

How far do those thoughts expand when you forgot everything else mattered?

 

What does it feel like to think in silence?

 

How many instruments do you hear in this song?

 

Have you ever considered how many things influenced one thought? Chain of thoughts? Perpetual thoughts?

 

What do you do when you realize something you do comes from your Mother? Father? Caregiver? Mentor? Partner? Friend? How many thoughts become attached to that?

 

Have you ever examined what you tell yourself and ponder where it comes from?

 

Those questions that flood our psyche.

 

Have you ever considered what led you to such a passion? Where is this energy stored?

 

What do you do with creative juices felt in abundance?

 

How many branches hold a potential possibility in this imaginative thinking tree?

 

How many thoughts get lost in your shower?

 

What about the last one before you sleep?

 

What about the thoughts that pertain to why we are even here?

What do you think it means to be free?

 

To be free we must all be free.

 

 

Have you ever challenged yourself to find your own answer?

 

 

Do you hinder your best-self due to the perception of the other?

 

 

How important is it to you to form your own opinion?

 

Caption- [How far do you expand thought?]

 

#thinkdeeper

#doresearch

#deepthinker

 #formyourownopinion

 

#philosophy

 

#poet

 

#deeppoems

 

#poems

#thinkingthing

#thinker

#think

 

 

#askmorequestions

#question

 

#existentialquestions

 

#showerthoughts

 

#freewill

#freedom

 

#deepconversations

 

Can you attempt to exist within the shoes of the other?

 

#thinktank

#brainstorm

#imagination

#imagine

#dreambigger

#dreambig

#ideamachiene

#youchoose

#loveyourself

#yourarepowerful

#youarehere

#youexist

#existential

#existentialangst

#existentialdread

#trusttheuniverse

 

#existentialphenomeology

#victoriaventurella

#relationshipwithself #communication #transcendence

#futureself #infinitepossibilities

#existentialpsychotherapy

Victoria Venturella, MA, Existential Phenomenological Psychotherapist, LMHCA

@ExistentialDialogues

@Centralpurposetherapy

© Victoria Venturella, Existential Dialogues, The Existentialist

“To perceive is suddenly to commit to an entire future of experiences in a present that never, strictly speaking, guarantees that future; to perceive is to believe in a world. It is this opening to a world that makes perceptual truth possible, or the actual realization of a Wahr-Nehmung, and permits us “to cross out” the preceding illusion, to hold it to be null and void. . .I was conscious of seeing a shadow and now I am conscious of having only seen a fly. My belonging to the world allows me to compensate for the fluctuations of the cogito, to displace one cogito in favor of another, and to meet up with the truth of my thought beyond its appearance (p.311).
— Merleau-Ponty, The Phenomenology of Perception

Do not regret what you have done: Existence precedes essence

Every experience you have lived thus far contributes to the human being you are today. If you had the power to change your previously lived experiences, it would change who you have come to be and potentially the trajectory of how you have lived your life. You may not have been driven to study the things you have, your interests may have been different, you may not have found yourself in the specific relationships you have encountered. You may not know your children as they are, maybe you did not have children. Your personality and the way you relate to the world would no longer exist as you currently experience it.

You are born into a world that is not of your choosing. You cannot decide who your parents are, where you grow up geographically, what your name is, how you will be educated, what kinds of interactions you will observe, how you will be punished or treated, if you will be respected, protected, and loved. As a child you cannot choose to forego abuse, neglect, and any other traumatic experiences. These experiences shape how you interact with the world and become the backdrop you unconsciously and consciously pull from when making sense of the present situation across a lifetime. In fact, it is highly likely that you will grow up to believe the way you were treated is how one is to be treated. Until one day your awareness shifts in your cognitive maturation, when you witness opposition in the way others respond to you and world. Holding yourself in contempt for the choices made before and after your cognitive faculties fully develop prevents you from embracing your whole self in its truest form in each present moment. You cannot separate yourself from who you have come to be. You can only move forward.

When we move into adulthood, we become the agent of our lives. Your choices are now only yours to make. These choices are grounded in the understandings of what you have come to know up until this point. It is up to you to utilize the resources within the world to discover what is known beyond you.

Whenever you are making a choice, pay attention to what is present within you. That internal voice is your authentic internal dialogue. Let yourself engage with the back-and-forth movement of thought. When you make choices that align with your moral compass and you choose choices that are authentically sound, you will never regret the life you have chosen to live. If you could stand behind the choices you make completely for where you are in this moment of time when the choices were made, then how could you regret the choices you have made if you honor your present and past self with compassion?

To love yourself completely you must love everything you have been through. Even the things that cause you to feel embarrassed or shameful. You will forever depart from yourself. If you depart from a place of love and compassion you will paint your external landscape in similar hues of wonder.

Author: Victoria Venturella, Existential Phenomenological Psychotherapist

© Victoria Venturella, Existential Dialogues, The Existentialist